So I’m back, well in theory

I tend to takes these extended periods of absence. To anyone who actually follows this I apologize. I’ve refused to write this past month because of the amount of stuff that has been going on. It’s been complicated and heartfelt and depressing and calming all at once. I had a few things in my head I wanted to write but I always found an excuse not to.

I’m not making excuses anymore.

The truth of the matter is I’ve recently come to realize I am good at something, making myself miserable. I always seem to cling to the darker side of things. I always seem to focus on the worse and yet I don’t have the balls to stand up to anything. I lack the courage of self-destruction I once had, and that leaves me so lost and empty.

But not anymore. I need to stop hiding, stop stalling, stop wallowing in my own self-pity, self-loathing and self-doubt. The only person holding me back right now is me, and I need to work on that.

And so I will. Lets see if I can stick to writing this time. Lets see if I can sense the honesty in situations instead of feeling through darkness for delusions. To notice situations and people that are bad for me, and move past these aspects of life to the brighter side.

Let’s see how long this lasts.

~ by kirbyrice on May 4, 2009.